Thursday's First Post

GOD AM I TIRED! I just want to go home and go to sleep. I didn't get to bed until 4 am!! WAIT.....lemme rephrase that...I didn't get to sleep until 4 am, then I had to get up at 6 am to be in Poky by 9 am! It sucked the big one!!! I am sooo ready to just crawl under my desk & SLEEP!!

Well, we talked a little over email last night. Made me feel a little better about everything...lemme post what was said....

You're mean!!! :P

Boo Who :-(

I'm NOT the blonde one!!! :-) hehehee

Artificial Intelligence doesn't count.

Ya know, you shouldn't talk about yourself like that...it's unbecoming of you! :P

Oh whatever :-P

Hey, I couldn't think of anything better! Damn artificial intelligence anyway!!!

Oh "God Bless America"

Hun...I wish I could!!! Especially with this new 6 gauge! :)

So do I.......but I wouldn't feel right about it.

I know you wouldn't. And I hate to say it.....but I wish you would. (Just bein' selfish I guess!)

I guess it's not a matter of me.......oh what the hell am I trying to say? I don't think it would be very fair to you. That's why I don't feel right about it.

I understand. But at this point...I don't care. I would be happy with ANY part of you! I just...I don't know....I guess I'm just trying to keep up hope.....It's like I've always said. I'd rather have part of you than none of you.

Believe me I DO UNDERSTAND! I just can't make you any promises and I feel like I would be taking advantage of you. I don't think I could do anything with you and not feel emotionally attached, remember........we both tried to do that from the very beginning and we couldn't fight back those feelings. As much as this is hurting me and I want to be with you........I don't feel like it would be fair to you or my wife.

I know. It's killing me inside ... you know that ... you can see the pain in my eyes ... But I understand, you have to do what's best for you. And right now, that's being with her and your kids.

Is being with her and my kids the right thing for me? Honestly......I'm still not sure. I think it is, but I'm still not 100% sure.

But I can't play both sides of the fence like I did before. It's not fair to any of us.

Are there nights I want to be with you, hold you? Absolutely, but again I wouldn't feel right being with you and then leaving and going home to them.

I don't want you to think that I don't have feelings for you anymore. I just can't act on those feelings like we used to.

Well, I just want YOU to know that I'm here. I always will be, and that there will ALWAYS be room in my life for you. I know what I want in my life. Right now, I can't have you. Maybe another time. I don't know how long it will take you to decide what's right for you. But I'm always here for you. No matter when or where. I know you have feelings for me still. I can see it. And I don't want to act on those feelings if it doesn't feel right. And I hope it will one day. You are forever, my ONLY! :)

I know.....hopefully God will bless America again soon.

I hope he will allow us to have a life together!

And a little "Blessing" every night! :)

Me too.

So with that said, who knows what will happen. Although I'm still going to be like I said yesterday. I'm gonna live my life for ME! I will always be here for him, but I can't live my life for him anymore. I can't wait & WON'T put my life on hold for something I don't know will happen. And that's that!!! ¶ 2:29:00 PM