Well, it's official.....I broke it off with her. For a few reasons.......#1 -- she's 100% gay, I'm not, I'm just having an "experience" I think....#2 -- I'm still in love with him, I can't commit to anyone because I'm still so in love with him....#3 I can live w/o women in my life, I can't live w/o men in my life. But it still hurts...if it didn't, I wouldn't have a heart. We both came to the realization that it just isn't going to work out bcuz I'm not over him and prolly will never be. He means too much to me. He sent me an email this morning and when I didn't respond, he called. I didn't answer the first two times bcuz I was still sleeping & dealing with her. I left him a message tho right around 11 letting him know what was going on. This is what we talked about....

Good Morning-

It feels kinda wierd, you're usually the one who says that to me.

Are you here and if you are indeed here, are you okay?

I'm ok. I am...she's not. But I told her from the beginning that YOU had my heart. She knew she was # 2 in my life. And it's not fair to her to keep things like this. And I can't commit myself to a woman anyway, I love men, and you too much!

I believe and trust what you are saying.

I have to admit anytime you use the words: Naked, and "Someone else is here" it really concerns me, even if nothing happened. It really took me off guard. I guess I'll just have to get over the fact that you were with her these last couple of days. I'm not real fond of the idea being with her, but I hope that, that's something I can get over quickly.

I hope you can understand that.

I know you believe me. I couldn't bring myself to ever do anything with her. It's just not who I am. I can live without women in my life, I can't live without men in my life. And I told her that. I wasn't in the shower with her...she was just in the bathroom when you called. I hope you know I honestly wouldn't want to be with anyone but you. That's something that was reinforced these last couple of days. When I can't even let a woman touch me, that tells me something! I love you...you have my heart, I can't give it to anyone else!

You don't know how happy I am to hear that.

I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Thanks

You don't know how happy I am to say it. I can't be with anyone else. I'm too much in love with this special man. :) He makes me weak in the knees! He makes my thighs quiver!! He melts my heart!!! He's just meant to be mine.

P.S. I hope you listen to your cd. I know there might be some songs on there you might not like, but I did! :) And there's some on there from yesterday, when we were doing the lyrics game!

I love this C.D.......By the way, I was up until about 1am working on ALL of yours.

Well, I have a 1pm Meeting to get to. I'll talk to you in a while.

K. Let me know when you're back. Luv ya.... :)

God I love that man. He is my world right now. He keeps me strong, he keeps me alive, he keeps me going. He makes me laugh, he makes me smile, he just does it for me. :)

But anyway...I can't keep stringing her along when she has very strong feelings for me. I have feelings for her, just not like I have feelings for boyz. I care for her and hate it that she is hurting. I am hurting too bcuz I'm hurting her!!! I just can't keep doing this....it's not right. And I can't drag her along any more. There are just too many feelings for him and I can't and won't get over him. He has my heart. No one else ever will.............. ¶ 2:59:00 PM