Wow...where do I start? I haven't blogged in almost 3 months. So much has happened since then. It's truly wierd when I look back on all the stuff I blogged about and see how it has affected my life. I'm still seeing NM!!! That hasn't changed at all. Sure, we have our ups & downs, but we're still "together" -- in heart, mind & spirit. He went to Coeur d'Alene for 5 weeks and it brought us together even more. Here is an email he sent to me when he was up there....

Hey-

God, I can't begin to tell you how much I wish I could have talked to you last night. Talking to you at night is what helps me sleep. In-turn, I didn't sleep a wink last night. I wasn't sure if you were mad at me or what? I was very happy to hear from you this morning. I honestly can not wait to see you when I get back. Over the weekend I found your birthday card. I hope you enjoy it as much as did. LMAO

I know this trip has not been easy for either one of us, but I do believe it has really strengthened our relationship. We have always had a very open relationship, but I guess I kind of always thought that it was based around the bedroom. I was under the belief that everything else was a bi-product of the things we do in the bedroom. I think this trip has really changed that perception. Don't get me wrong, I love our sexual relationship as much as anyone, but I realized over the past couple of weeks that it's not the most important thing when it comes to you and I. Do I miss the sex? Abso-fuckin-lutely. You're damn right I do! (More to come on that later) But even more than that, I miss you. Your smile, your laugh, your eyes, and your scent. I miss all of you. I'll go nuts if I don't talk to you at least 2 or 3 times a day. So please make sure your phone is charged tonight DAMN IT.

What I really want to get across to you is this: I've come to realize how much I truly need you in my life. Not just for some of my emotional or physical needs, but for all of my needs. YOU COMPLETE ME. I've also come to realize just how dependant you are on me. I guess I never truly understood all of your feelings for me until I had to put them to the test with this trip. Each day that we are apart strengthens us that much more. I also come to realize that if we can get through this, we can get through anything.

Baby, I love you more than words can express. I love everything about you. Your heart, your soul, your complete inner-being. I love you NKC.

I can't wait to be with you again. I've been trying to determine what I want to do the most with you when I get back. Sure there's the obvious things like: Hug you, kiss you, hold you, eating your peach, and other ideas we can use in the bedroom. But I truly can't wait to make love to you again. I think we've gotten out of this habit. It seems like every time we leave work it's to go have a "Nooner". Don't get me wrong, I had enjoyed every minute of those times, but I just really want to take our time and slowly and truly show you how much I really love you. I want to make love to you with my eyes open looking into your open eyes. I hope this can give a new meaning to the term, "For Your Eyes Only".


Your One, Your Only, True Love Of Your Life,

NGM

S.H.M.I.L.Y. (See how much I love you)

WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY? I was in freakin' tears!!! I cried for hours. That just made my whole day, my whole life! I just wish I could spend the rest of my life with him. I almost lost him once, I'm gonna do everything in my power to keep a hold of him for the rest of my life. I haven't seen anyone but him, and don't want to. Yeah, I go out with friends, but that's all they are -- friends. I don't want to be with anyone but NM. He is my one true love. I don't want to think of what my life would be like without him. The one thing I AM worried about is him going over to Qwest. I am truly afraid that I will lose him. No more walking over to see him, no more chatting with him online. I'm truly afraid that I will no longer have him. We are going to be spending some time tomorrow, so I am going to tell him about it. I'm sure he is aware of my fears and that I worry about it. But I need to tell him myself. The General tells me not to worry. NM & I are too damn close & have been through too much for us to split. I hope he is right. I want what's best for NM, and if the move to Qwest is, then I am so very happy for him. I'm just worried & fearful that it will be the end of us. That is always going to be in the back of my head.

Well, I'm out for now, blog ya laterz.....PROMISE! ¶ 3:44:00 PM