WOW! Where do I start? I don't exactly know where to start without crying! It's officially over between Nate & I. My reason for living, my entire existence, my reason to live is gone. Well, almost....I still have my babies!!! :) My life as I have known it for the last 8 months will never be the same. I hadn't heard from Nate on Monday or Tuesday. I had sent him a couple emails for which I never got a response from. It seemed rather odd, so when I went over to the General's house on Wednesday, we talked about it and I decided to just write him a letter. It wasn't a bad letter, it wasn't rude or inconsiderate. I just wanted an explanation of what was going on. It wasn't like him not to talk to me on a daily basis. So part of me knew something was going on, but I just didn't know what. This is the reponse I got:

What the hell was that all about? Nice letter.....yeah whatever! I don't recall ever saying that daily communication was a requirement of our relationship. Am I missing something here? Well, before you get your panties in anymore of a tiff, I'll try and shed some light on what's going on......

1st) My Father-In-Law was just diagnosed with Cancer. He and the rest of the family are not dealing with this very well. They're only giving him about a year, which is absolutely giving my wife and kids HELL right now.

2nd) My Mom was in the hospital all last week and this week with congestive heart failure. The worst part about that was that I couldn't even be down there with her. She'll be okay, but still a lot of shit to deal with in a week.

3rd) I am busy as hell right now at work. When I'm not taking calls, I'm in meetings and other things. Not to mention getting chewed out every time I get or send an outside email.

I hope you can see a trend here......I've had a lot of shit going on, not to mention getting the third degree from you right now. Frankly, I don't need this shit.

Now the biggest issue that has actually had me more upset and troubled is this: One of the biggest reasons that my wife and I haven't been doing very well lately has been the issue of having more kids. We both have wanted more, but for one reason or another, we haven't been able to. About 12 months ago we started In-Vetro to try and get my wife pregnant. To our disappointment and over $8,000 lost nothing was working. This caused added frustration and resentment against each other forcing us to find happiness elsewhere. Hence you came into the picture. But now as I have learned just this past week that my wife is indeed
pregnant.

I have spent a lot of the last week on my knees praying. I've been trying to figure out what I need to do. I have prayed for an answer to try and "Do the Right Thing." There's a big part of me that knows I need to stay and be with my wife, my kids and my new one on the way. There is also a part of me that wants to be with you and leave everything else behind. So here I am at the "Crossroads" of my life trying to receive the answer I've been looking for.....

And after reading your letter........I think I just got my answer!

I don't regret any of the times that we have spent together. I will always cherish them. But I've realized over the past few weeks that I haven't been fair to my kids, My Wife, and Most Of All You. I decided I would make a decision by the end of this week. I wish in some ways my decision was different, but this is what the man upstairs wants me to do. I now know IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO....I'm sorry.....I didn't want to have to tell you this way, but I really didn't know how else to say the things I needed to say. I guess I can't change that now.

You will always have a place in my heart....

With much love,

Nate


I COMPLETELY & UTTERLY FUKN LOST IT! I didn't know what to do. Why couldn't he have just told me this? He knows he can tell me anything. It would have been better knowing this than getting this email telling me this. I would have rather heard it out of his mouth than via email! I cried for hours. And hours...and hours. This is the first man I have truly loved and I have to let him go. He isn't going to be easy to let go of. It is what is for the best. I've never cried this much in my life. But I've never loved anyone like I've loved you either. All the time we had I will cherish forever. I'm a better person for having known & loved Nate. I will always love him. No one will take his place. I wouldn't ever want anyone to. He brought out so many emotions & feelings I never thought I had. He brought out my ability to offer unconditional love. I didn't know I even had that in me. WOW! The General tells me that I'm a completely different person than I was before I met Nate. He can see the change in me. And it is a change for the better. I will always love & remember Nate and all the times we had together. For better & worse. He made me a better person. He made me realize that true love is out in the world. He also made me realize that he & I just had ROTTEN, FUKN TIMING! :) I do hope he keeps in touch with me and doesn't forget I'm here. That's my biggest fear. Is that he will forget. Lord knows I will never forget.........

I LOVE YOU NATHAN GEORGE MAW! ¶ 11:05:00 AM