OK. Now it's been another week since I blogged last and OMMFG!! The "blowout" between Nate & I that happened last week is now done & over. What the hell happened you ask? I don't muthafukn know! All I know is that we were fighting and over on Thursday and on Monday, he acted like nothing happened! WTMF??? When we talked on Friday, we both agreed it was for the best. It didn't matter how much it hurt, it was what needed done. So that was that. UNTIL MONDAY!!!! He called me Monday while I was at the parade and left me a voicemail. He also sent me an email. Just asking how I was, making sure I was ok. ???????? Don't muthafukn ask me. I don't know what was going through that man's mind. Sometimes I wonder why he does the things he does. But I'm sure he wonders the same thing about me. So, we began talking Monday, chatting -- nothing like before. How are you? Whatcha doin'? Simple things like that. Then we got into it....He asked me what he could do for me. I told him he could hold me & never let me go. That's when it all fell apart -- or back together, as it appears. It was as if last Thursday never happened. I just don't understand it. Or didn't until today...but more on that later. We continued to talk & email this whole week. I wanted to sit down with him last week and talk about what was going on between us. He said Thursday the 7th would work out. OK. So went to lunch today to talk about things. I asked him why he did what he did? He felt like, "whether it was indirectly or directly" that I had wanted the relationship to move further and I was giving him an ultimatum. OOOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKK!! Where the muthafuk did that come from? I sure as hell didn't hint at that at all. I would never give him an ultimatum. I asked him why his behaviour changed from Thursday to Monday. "Because you are ok with things the way they are," he replied. I told him - "I always have been." I realize I can't have all of you. I'M OK WITH THAT!!!! I have been since day 1. I know and accept that. I don't know why he thought that I was going to give him an ultimatum. I don't know either! I don't know where he got that idea from. He knew tho, how pissed I was at him. He told me that I can't hide my emotions very well. I said, what are you talking about? He said -- "You're pissed at me." I said, "Yeah, I am. I have a very valid reason to be pissed off at you. Don't you think?" "Yes, you do." I told him then that most of the anger was gone. You should have see me over the weekend I told him. I was so upset and angry. But, it's done & over with now. Let's move on. "Good idea." So what it all comes down to is the fact that he thought I wanted the relationship to move further and that he thought I was giving him an ultimatum. No, I wouldn't do that. That is selfish. I'm not a very selfish person. I love him too much to risk losing him! HELLO!!!! Do you not see this Nate?! Well, you do now! :P Don't ever forget that I will always love you and that I won't ask you to do what you can't do right now. We will have our time. I know that. It may not be now, but it will be in the future! So, things go back to the way "they used to be." I warned him...."I will not go through this again, so don't do it to me again." He said he wouldn't. All I have to say is that if he does it again, he's gonna wish he never met me. I will lay into him for all I'm worth. After we got done talking & having lunch then we went outside. We weren't quite sure what we were going to do from there. He was leaning against my car & I was leaning against him looking up into his eyes. I wanted to just reach up & kiss him. Apparently he knew what I was thinking bcuz he said, "If you're gonna do it, then do it." So I did. I reached up & kissed him. GOD DAMN MUTHAFUK did I miss those lips! YUMMY!!! I sighed with relief. I missed him something terrible. He must have missed me, because he kissed me with a passion that I haven't felt from him in a while. DAMN it was nice!! I was like jello in his arms. Just take me now fool!!! Well, that's what I was thinking. We talked a bit more and decided to take a drive. I had to have him. I was going nuts not having him. So we drove to our spot and had some good sex. :D Hey, I can't help it. I'm a horny bitch! LMAO :) Yeah, you better laugh General!! And it's been all fine since then. I guess we'll take it one day at a time, like we always do. FRICK!!! It's a good thing he's bigger than me, or I'd kick his ass up & down the damn street. Although, I did tell him that if he & I were to REALLY & OFFICIALLY (how else do I say it? LOL) break up, I'd date the General. He kinda chuckled. He's been jealous of the time I've spent with the General. I told Nate that's not the General's fault. He can spend as much time with me as the General does. That's his choice. He just kinda dropped it after that. I wonder if the General would ever think about dating me? Would ya General? Would be kinda interesting!! 6 kids between the both of us, all under the age of 9. LMAO WOW! What a family get together that would be 'eh? Well, if Nate & I ever did part ways, I would definately have to think about the General....he's been there through good & bad, before Nate & the almost after Nate :). He's just been awesome. I don't know what I'd do without ya General. I LOVE YA! :) ¶ 3:00:00 PM